23 June 2020
Hi everybody, it’s me
I know it’s been years since the last time i wrote.So years passed and how times flies. 2020 we’re actually in this year already?
No one thought we could come across this year staying at home?
No one thought we would spend most of the time reflecting on ourselves
No one thought we be spending more time with the people we surrounded with
I just realised how years has passed and how much i’ve changed this past years
There are goods and bads.
“Hypocrite”
Yes that’s the word i wanted to describe
Hypocrite is such a word that no one, no one can ever say they’re not related to
Myself. I would say i’m such a hypocrite for saying what i’m saying
No doubt this word haunts everyone because it’s really how we all are
I may say good things and tell people don’t do this and that
But IM JUST ANOTHER HYPOCRITE
I’ve been really selfish and immoral these days.
I really don’t know how to say, but to put it in a more simple way
I would say..I NEVER FOUND PEACE...
I thought i have but yeah that’s the hypocrite in me
I told people I’M FINE with everything. I’m happy. I’m loving the way i am
But yet again, i know deep down i’m never fine. I’m never fine with other people’s happiness
I always have this jealousy this unsatisfied feeling about people
I may say omg i hate these kind of people but in the end i am that person
Am i really a good person?
Do i really deserved to be called human?
Am i really what i think i am?
All of this lingers to my mind these days.
If i was in someone else’s place, i would feel like THIS PERSON i’m actually talking to isn’t the person she tells everyone about.
She’s here to just hear good things about her to make her feel good.
But deep down she knows she’s not what other people thinks of her
“She’s BAD”
What i fear most.
I fear how other people thinks about me
I fear how nasty i portray myself to others
I fear that the bad things people say about me
I fear how people see me
I fear how no one would like me if they know the real me
I fear how i can never be loved
I fear how people would blame me
I fear how i fear to be fear
Confession~
What i am really afraid of
I hate how people would pity me in some ways where they think i can never moved on
In terms of relationships or even friendships
I don’t like how people can see through me
I don’t like getting sympathy
I don’t like how I KNOW I CAN NEVER BE LOVED
I don’t like how I AM THE PROBLEM
I CAN NEVER SAY THIS. I CAN NEVER SHOW THIS. I CAN NEVER TELL PEOPLE IM WEAK. IM JUST PURE WEAK.
